Remember how, in the old days, Al Gore invented the Internet?
It was very exciting and right away I knew it could probably turn into something very big. Except that it really wasn’t catching on very quickly on account of all those scientists hogging it and making it seem way too complicated for regular people, plus way too slow to download porn. Which made me sad, because Mr. Gore wasn’t getting the kind of credit he deserved and the divorce rate was skyrocketing because of the slow porn. Not the actual fact of the porn, just the fact that it took FOREVER to download, so men were ignoring their wives AND tying up the phone lines for hours at a time, neither of which has ever been a great idea in the context of marriage. My point is this — poor Al! Not only did the man get elected President and then magically not-elected President, the world then tried to deny him credit for his very own invention?
Anyway. Having always been a champion of the underdog, I decided to help. I had a feeling that the Internet would be more popular if only its vast energy could be harnessed in such a way as to enrich lives everywhere, bringing peace and joy to the entire world.
And that is when I went ahead and invented online dating. You’re welcome, Mr. Gore.
Even if I didn’t actually invent online dating (which I doubt) I was probably one of the very first people to try it. A pioneer, if you will. An adventuress, bravely sailing into the dark abyss of the unknown, risking life and limb in search of a brave new world and carefully creating a detailed map, so others could follow….
The point is that I’ve been involved in online dating, off and on, for, like ever. And I have some tips for those of you who, strangely enough, have not been involved in online dating, or maybe even any kind of dating, for awhile…. or ever. Which, as luck would have it, now probably includes Mr. Gore….
I hate to toot my own horn, but, ummmm, you’re welcome again, Mr. Gore.
Where can one find these useful online dating/dating tips, you ask?
Here, of course!
Except I haven’t written them yet. On account of how busy I have been inventing stuff, y’all.